Oct
12thThe Silent Sadness
This post isn’t for you. But if I don’t buck up and talk about my feelings, they will literally consume me, and the only reason I haven’t talked about them is because no one does. It was a beautiful, happy week. I had friends visiting from Dubai and Doha. Every day, my house felt full, and vibrant, and excited. These three friends had never been to Kenya before, and were absolutely enchanted, having just come back from the Masai Mara and having seen the great migration firsthand. And, after months of trying, I had just discovered I was pregnant. Funnily, I had only taken the pregnancy test to exclude it from my self-diagnosis of exhaustion, nausea, and fatigue. But just the morning I’d taken the test, it was confirmed by doctors at the urgent clinic. My husband was over the moon, and I was…processing the experience. I hadn’t expected it; I was in shock. I have a challenging, intense job in a rigorous career track. I am writing a book. I am in graduate school. I have pleasantly complicated interpersonal relationships. We told his mother, and mine. Everyone was excited. We couldn’t help but tell our house guests. they were excited. Ever a knowledge hound, I took to googling what I should and shouldn’t eat, what I needed to stop, what was best for me, and for whatever this little thing inside me was going to be. The knowledge acquisition was the most exciting part, and slowly, I started accepting what […]